Have you ever watched “Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends” on Cartoon Network? It has more than 2000 imaginary characters and the show has taken the kids world by storm in its first year itself. Did it make you think how many imaginary friends live in your house? You may argue it depends on individual “Parenting Style”, or it does not occur for “Preschool Children”, or even that it appears only in “Kids Stories”. I have been digging into this mystery and it’s answers for a while now.

A peek into one of the most intriguing childhood mysteries reveals that imaginary playmates are a staple of early development and persist well into the school years, later than researchers once thought. It is estimated up to 65 per cent of children will have an imaginary friend, generally from the age of three to nine years – and these kids tend to be more creative, or a first-born or only child.

There are lots of different types of imaginary friends, it can be an “invisible friend”, someone only the child can see, but it can also be a “personified object” like a toy figurine, a teddy bear or even an innocent doll, that have real and immense person-like attributes for the child. Sometimes the imaginary friend acts as a child’s alter-ego, taking the blame for the toys that didn’t get picked up or saying “bad words”, causing “behavior problems”. Sometimes the imaginary friend is just a wonderful playmate. Most kids, sooner or later, come to realize their make-believe buddies are not of this world and imaginary friends fade away but some studies have found that kids as old as 12 having imaginary friends.

This phenomenon is really misunderstood. It was always thought that its rare, child must be having problems, kid must be seeing invisible people like ghosts. Those days are gone when psychologists and parents started to worry about children’s well being after knowing about an imaginary friend. Pretend play is vital to children’s development. Imaginary friends are just an extension of pretend play, which is a normal, healthy and important part of a young child’s development. Pretend play gives children a chance to learn about roles, relationships, power, and control. Pretend play also gives children a chance to work through the multitude of feelings they experience daily. Although make-believe was long considered the realm of little girls, now it’s clear that both sexes engage in fantasy play, with some gender differences.

Main reason for having imaginary friends as believed by researchers is, loneliness, where the kid does not have access to friends. Not being able to interact with people and put his thoughts forward, makes the child to start talking to the toys and imaginary friends. The child has no fear or inhibitions talking to someone that’s so close to the reality. Children are testing and answering their curiosities when they interacted with an imaginary friend. They gain communication skills by having one side of the conversation but also inventing their imaginary friend’s side of the conversation. Children learn the complexities of spoken expression sooner with the help of an imaginary friend. They can act as a child’s trusted confidant when there’s no one else to tell their secrets to. Believe it or not even small children have issues that are too private to tell us, watch your child making up stories and try to analyze them. Dig into those stories with extra “Interest”.

As it is normal to have imaginary friends, it is also important for the parents to keep control over those imaginary friends. Use your parenting discipline powers, sometimes these imaginary friends can tell your kid to go for a walk without letting you know or may be, to throw things around. Here are some rules you can make for your child and the imaginary friend:

Don’t let the imaginary friend be your child’s only companion. Kids need to socialize with other children for their own development and learning. If your child does not have any friends and does not show any interest in having friends, talk to the teacher or the doctor and help him/her out.

Don’t let your child shift responsibility for every wrong thing they do to the imaginary friend.

Treat the imaginary friend with respect. This means remembering the name, greeting and wishing good on the occasions. Apologizing when don’t see the imaginary friend standing in your way.

Don’t use imaginary friend to manipulate your child, your child will start hating that confidant imaginary friend as well.

Have fun yourself and let the child have fun as well with the imaginary child.

Here’s the link to games and activities based on “Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends” on “Cartoon Network”

How important are manners and etiquette’s in this modern world and child development? Most of the good schools require kids to have proper child manners and child etiquette’s. “Military Schools” and “Private Schools” are very strict about this and most of them have extra classes to teach kids proper manners and etiquette’s. Not only that there are etiquette schools, etiquette classes and even etiquette consultants to teach, train and arm our kids as well as the adults with modern manners and classic etiquette’s.

Children are reflections of their parents. On special occasion’s, gatherings, parties or visiting friends and relatives parents expect their children to show proper manners and etiquette’s, be polite and respectful. Manners and etiquette’s cant be learn overnight its a gradual process and needs a lot of time and patience from the parents. Teachers as well as senior adults have noticed and raised the voice that, children now a days show very little respect and manners than previous generations. Parents manners and etiquette’s help develop childrens manners and childrens etiquette’s. When teaching child manners, do not overload a child with many lessons at once, deal with one or two at a time so that they can grasp it in full detail. Do not ever tell them “Do it because I say so.”, you have to explain them “Why it’s not right?”, What will be the benefits of doing the right things?”. Please don’t forget to praise them for doing the right thing, it will be just like, if you work very hard at your job and not being praised or rewarded for it.

Etiquette training starts at an early age, kids learn by observing things and behavior of people around them. Parents discipline and parents manners will set the right examples, you are the one who is their first influence, first learning example. If you talk with mouth full of food, they will notice that and assume its right to do so. Family manners and etiquette’s are all those little things that we do everyday, around kids at home or outside. If the parents do not force the family manners and follow them themselves it will make a big difference later in the kids life. Rules should be equal for everyone in the house, than only kids will respect you and each other.

The way they behave is the way they are treated. Remember the magic word “REWARD”, its the key to teaching manners to young kids. Reward doesn’t have to be financial or a gift. Reward can be your love to them, may be just a hug and a kiss, praising them for what they did, may be taking them along for a bike ride or shopping, may be allowing them to go and play with their friends. In the end for every good deed they need to be rewarded to understand the importance of doing the right things.

Parent’s role in teaching child manners

As I said before, kids learn by watching adults around them. Parents manners and family etiquettes, therefore play a huge role in teaching child manners and etiquette’s.

Respect:

Your parenting style has a lot to do with respect. Treating children with respect teaches kids to respect others and you. Talk kindly to your children and they will learn how to talk kindly to others and you. It is also helpful to talk to children regarding how to respond in specific situations to better prepare them for when these situations arise.

Sharing:

Share with your kids so they can understand the importance of sharing with others. Compliment them when you see them sharing with others.

Politeness:

Everyone in the family must practice “please” and “thank-you” policy in which, for example, no request is considered unless the person asking says “please.” When one of your children forgets, just say “Where are the magic words?”. They soon catch on. You can teach them to say “thank you” in the same manner.

Apologizing:

In the begining children are always shy to apologise, but before the age they become stubborn to apologise parents should encourage children to apologize, when they do something wrong. Apologies should be sincere. If they are not comfortable apologizing face to face, they should write an apology note. Good judgment should be used by the parent as to when an apology is appropriate.

Compliment:

Emphasize the right thing to do and compliment your children when they exhibit good manners, rather than criticizing them for using poor manners. Praise is a wonderful teacher. Tell your children how proud you are when you notice them being polite.

Model the manners:

Remember your child is watching you every moment and will learn to do everything that you are doing, so watch out for your own actions.

Instruct in small doses:

Teach manners in a step by step process. For example, telephone manners or telephone etiquettes, begin instructions with “hellos” and “good-byes,” then teach asking the caller to “please wait, I will go and get my mum” and in the end , guide children to take messages. Dining etiquettes or table manners are another important learning task. Try in small step by step process as well, for instance begin with how to sit properly on the table, to how to hold cutlery and in the end teach them how to set up the dinner table and serve the guests.Try step by step process with other manners as well.

Keep kids healthy:

Children tend to show bad manners or mis manners and etiquettes when they’re tired or hungry. Kids need proper sleep and nutritious foods to survive. If you think you will be having late night at the family gathering, make sure your kids have an afternoon nap to cope with the late night stress instead of misbehaving.

Be patient:

Don’t expect perfection overnight. As with any skill being taught, there will be mistakes along the way. Learning is a trial and error process. We all learn from our mistakes. Give your kids enough time and opportunity to learn and grasp new skills. As I said before young children or teen kids they are the reflections of their parents. As a parent we all want to give them the best, but sometimes we are not fully equipped with all the information. If you feel you are stuck with some questions feel free to take “parenting advice”. There are many “Child Care Services” that help young parents with free Parenting Advice.

Have a happy parenting.

Forcing kids to study and do their homework is a very conflicting topic. Even though we know education is paramount for their survival in this modern world. Conflict arises with the questions, “How much homework and studies at home is not too much?”, “Are they getting enough time to relax and rejuvenate their bodies?”. There will be many of you who may have written on the blogs or in your personal diaries hidden somewhere down the earth in a little lunch box, how you felt when your parents forced you to study. How much you hated the school and how much you hated your parents?. This will be the story of most of the people who have been to the school. As kids we made lots of friends at school and than we wanted to do the best things that kids love to do, PLAY. Parents got angry at us for not doing our homework, not getting good grades at school and as a result parents forcing us to study hard to get better grades. The list goes on to show that anger, that we felt towards our parents or teachers for forcing us to study.

Now all of you are educated and smart people, sitting in front of your PC or laptop and reading this article after doing a lot of digging on the internet on this topic. I am not saying that forcing kids to study is right, neither I am denying it. Only thing I want you all to ask yourselves is, no matter how much you hated your parents and schools and so on, Will you be what you are today, if they didn’t force you to study? Some of you may be feeling very angry with me right now because you may have been forced too much. Sincerely I feel sorry for you and I am sure as parents you will rectify those things that you didn’t like in your childhood. Many of you will agree that your parents gave you the right direction and helped you by forcing studies, because at that tender stage you didn’t know what was right for you.

Like I have said many times before, As parents we want to give everything that we didn’t get as kids, whether its education, toys, comfort or even time. Trust me that was exactly the same, what your parents were thinking at that time. They were not your enemies and you will not be enemies of your kids either but your kids will say the same things to you as well. Every new generation comes up with new ideas, new methods of doing everything in better and different ways and the best part is they do succeed in doing so. What we forget is underneath every strong building is a very strong foundation. That forcing of studies does finally pay off.

For us to be better parents and have smarter kids, the question is, How much should we force our kids to study. We have to set up the limits to not to stress the kids and not to hate us as parents. You don’t want to be in a situation when your child is sitting in front of the books all day and learning nothing. Kids are given enough homework at school. In almost every country the education departments, child welfare agencies, parents and teachers have had this discussion, how much homework should the child get and how much time should they spend after school in studies. The purpose of homework is to help children consolidate what was taught that day in the class. A pretty good argument, but is this homework so much that it doesn’t give your kids any time to play and relax and causing burn out. Same amount of homework for one child can be 20 minutes and may be an hour for another.

As parents we have to sit down with our kids and see how are they doing with their homework, if they can finish it within an acceptable period of time than don’t force them to study. If they are taking longer than may be they are not understanding the concept or they are simply not interested in it. This is when they need help and may be little bit of forcing. If you force your kids too much they will not learn anything. They will miss out on their playing time and as a protest they will choose not to learn anything knowingly because in their brain its their fun time that’s been spoiled by the homework. There is no textbook solution to this problem, every child is different and has different capacity of understanding the concept and grasping the knowledge. Forcing alone will not help the child, making the topic easy, interpreting it in a different way will help the child in understanding and keeping their interest. Soon your child will start thinking of these hard topics in a different way with your help. Key is spending time with them and helping them with studies. For the long term goal, it is more important that your child understands the concept in a practical way rather than just doing their homework for the sake of it. Practical way is the one that stays with us forever, books and subjects are forgotten with time.


Forcing studies becomes necessary only when your child does not have any interest in studies for whatever reason. Even in this case it is advisable to talk to the teachers or get some outside help, rather than forcing it is more important to know why your child is not showing interest in studies. Try reasoning with them to find out the problem. Its very simple if somebody force us to do something, we don’t like to do it either unless we know and understand the valid reason for it.

Little bit of force is necessary as kids brain is still developing and needs proper nurturing to go on the right path in the future. If you don’t help them and show them the right path, everything they do will be right for them which can be a dangerous situation. If you force them too much than they may rebel and hate school, hate studies and more important hate you. Make sure your kids are not overloaded with homework from school and have enough time to play and relax to rejuvenate their brain and body.

Have fun with your kids. Understand them and avoid forcing the studies. Being friends with them will help you understand their attitude. You can also try using some of the free online teaching tools for studies at home.

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Do you nag your kids for studies, cleaning the house, doing the dishes, behaving properly, putting their toys away and the nagging list goes on? Nag or not to nag kids is a big question doing rounds for a very long time. Every few years some study come up in the support of the other. Just last week a study of 3450 students from Sydney university, published in Teachers College Record, a US journal, came up with the conclusion that nagging does work. Every child gets influenced by two factors in life, first one is parents and teachers and the second one is their friends and role models. Influence of parents and teachers has a significant impact on a kids academic life while friends and peers has a big say in their social and emotional well being.

Now the question arises how much nagging is necessary? Lets go back a generation and ask how much nagging did your parents do? Did that nagging help you in what you are today? Some of you may not agree with their nagging. Just like the studies conducted in the different countries do not agree with each other on the topic. As parents all we want for our kids is to give them the best, give them everything that we didn’t get ourselves when we were kids. Therefore we have to set up a limit to nagging and strike a balance so that the child gets the best out of it and does not stress out.

Lets start with the reality, nagging does work and I completely agree with the study of Sydney university researcher Andrew Martin. “Parents and teachers who might feel powerless during adolescence have a bigger influence on academic motivation than they think – sometimes up to three times the impact of peers”, Martin said. But I have to add, it works only if done in a right way. For example take all those advertisements that are targeted towards our kids, during kids programming on the television. These companies have spent a lot of money on the research to get that one advertisement right. That advert goes straight to their head and they want to have that product, its the result of their continuous nagging and hitting the right spot with the kids. That’s right, if we want our kids to listen to us and do as we say we have to come up with the strategy that they learn, nothing comes for free. For example, if they finish their homework they can go out and play with their friends. You may have to nag few times but than they know unless they have finished their homework they can not do what they want. Same can apply to kids cleaning their room, helping you in the house and everything else. Remember kids have a lot of energy and lots of activities to do, so through nagging you can work around in a way that they get what they want within limits and you get what’s best for them. Magic rule “Do not make FALSE promises, STICK to whatever you have PROMISED”. These are innocent kids and if you play with their innocence they will never forget it and you will be in their bad books and soon they will stop listening to you.

Sometimes make the exceptions when they are really nice to you and they are rushing around to get everything done because something really important to them is happening or about to happen. They will really appreciate that and forget all the nagging you do. Take some time out to sit down with them and try to explain them why do you have to nag, try to explain to them what are the importance of things that they do. This way your nagging will work without stressing the child out. My personal experience tells me that nagging is very important in the early childhood, after that kids learn if they do this than they will get to do that. If they can create an interest in the studies in the early childhood that means less nagging from you when they are growing up.

Here’s a really cool game for all the parents. Get a calender. There are 365 days a year. Say every day has a value of 25 cents. Tell your kids you will mark the calender if they have been good or bad. The number of days they have been good will be equivalent to the amount of 25 cents that they have earned for their Christmas presents or their Birthday presents. Do not forget to total up at the end of each month, so the kids know how much they have earned. It will be a great motivation for them because the can see what they are earning for being good. Have fun.

I will soon post an article about the influence of friends on your child.

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