Do you nag your kids for studies, cleaning the house, doing the dishes, behaving properly, putting their toys away and the nagging list goes on? Nag or not to nag kids is a big question doing rounds for a very long time. Every few years some study come up in the support of the other. Just last week a study of 3450 students from Sydney university, published in Teachers College Record, a US journal, came up with the conclusion that nagging does work. Every child gets influenced by two factors in life, first one is parents and teachers and the second one is their friends and role models. Influence of parents and teachers has a significant impact on a kids academic life while friends and peers has a big say in their social and emotional well being.

Now the question arises how much nagging is necessary? Lets go back a generation and ask how much nagging did your parents do? Did that nagging help you in what you are today? Some of you may not agree with their nagging. Just like the studies conducted in the different countries do not agree with each other on the topic. As parents all we want for our kids is to give them the best, give them everything that we didn’t get ourselves when we were kids. Therefore we have to set up a limit to nagging and strike a balance so that the child gets the best out of it and does not stress out.

Lets start with the reality, nagging does work and I completely agree with the study of Sydney university researcher Andrew Martin. “Parents and teachers who might feel powerless during adolescence have a bigger influence on academic motivation than they think – sometimes up to three times the impact of peers”, Martin said. But I have to add, it works only if done in a right way. For example take all those advertisements that are targeted towards our kids, during kids programming on the television. These companies have spent a lot of money on the research to get that one advertisement right. That advert goes straight to their head and they want to have that product, its the result of their continuous nagging and hitting the right spot with the kids. That’s right, if we want our kids to listen to us and do as we say we have to come up with the strategy that they learn, nothing comes for free. For example, if they finish their homework they can go out and play with their friends. You may have to nag few times but than they know unless they have finished their homework they can not do what they want. Same can apply to kids cleaning their room, helping you in the house and everything else. Remember kids have a lot of energy and lots of activities to do, so through nagging you can work around in a way that they get what they want within limits and you get what’s best for them. Magic rule “Do not make FALSE promises, STICK to whatever you have PROMISED”. These are innocent kids and if you play with their innocence they will never forget it and you will be in their bad books and soon they will stop listening to you.

Sometimes make the exceptions when they are really nice to you and they are rushing around to get everything done because something really important to them is happening or about to happen. They will really appreciate that and forget all the nagging you do. Take some time out to sit down with them and try to explain them why do you have to nag, try to explain to them what are the importance of things that they do. This way your nagging will work without stressing the child out. My personal experience tells me that nagging is very important in the early childhood, after that kids learn if they do this than they will get to do that. If they can create an interest in the studies in the early childhood that means less nagging from you when they are growing up.

Here’s a really cool game for all the parents. Get a calender. There are 365 days a year. Say every day has a value of 25 cents. Tell your kids you will mark the calender if they have been good or bad. The number of days they have been good will be equivalent to the amount of 25 cents that they have earned for their Christmas presents or their Birthday presents. Do not forget to total up at the end of each month, so the kids know how much they have earned. It will be a great motivation for them because the can see what they are earning for being good. Have fun.

I will soon post an article about the influence of friends on your child.

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I’ve missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I’ve lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan.

The life we have and many things that we do every day do not necessarily have clear cut instructions. Our search for the perfection never ends, we learn many new things every day. How do we learn them? For some things there are instruction manuals for the rest we do experiments with logic, with our intellect and with some common sense, to silence our curiosity. There are very few experiments in our life that work out on their first run. We do mistakes and than we learn from them to reach to that perfection that we have imagined as a result or the end product. If we are ready to learn from the failure than the road is endless, learning is endless. But if we start to give up from our failures than we become overcautious, we become scared of speaking up, we become scared of trying new things and in return it affects our personal and professional growth. As Marilyn Vos Savant said, “Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent”.


There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at the time when it happens, it embarrasses us. What we have to teach our kids is, parents and teachers can’t teach everything to them, they have to learn from their mistakes and failures and rise above them. easy said than done. If we give our kids the right perspective on failure, than it can be a spring board to success and not a hindrance.We will be able to prepare them to handle the real world, where nothing good comes easy. We have to devote some time to our kids everyday to check what they did all day. In the conversation almost everyday they will come up with the scenario’s where they have done the mistake or failed in something and as parents we have to help them to understand that there is nothing wrong with the failures and mistakes. We will be able to teach them to build realistic expectations that success does not come easy, that winning comes from losing and learning, that when we lose we must learn from them and not give up. Remember there are quick solutions and than there are solutions that take little bit long but the learning from them lasts forever.

However, failure can be a blessing in disguise. Through it we can learn what doesn’t work. Then we can find what does. Failure is a much better teacher than success. Success makes our heads swell. failure makes us stop, look and listen. If we can add “Learn” to this sequence than failure becomes the first step to success. Stop-Look-Listen-Learn; that’s the way to profit from failure.