How important are manners and etiquette’s in this modern world and child development? Most of the good schools require kids to have proper child manners and child etiquette’s. “Military Schools” and “Private Schools” are very strict about this and most of them have extra classes to teach kids proper manners and etiquette’s. Not only that there are etiquette schools, etiquette classes and even etiquette consultants to teach, train and arm our kids as well as the adults with modern manners and classic etiquette’s.

Children are reflections of their parents. On special occasion’s, gatherings, parties or visiting friends and relatives parents expect their children to show proper manners and etiquette’s, be polite and respectful. Manners and etiquette’s cant be learn overnight its a gradual process and needs a lot of time and patience from the parents. Teachers as well as senior adults have noticed and raised the voice that, children now a days show very little respect and manners than previous generations. Parents manners and etiquette’s help develop childrens manners and childrens etiquette’s. When teaching child manners, do not overload a child with many lessons at once, deal with one or two at a time so that they can grasp it in full detail. Do not ever tell them “Do it because I say so.”, you have to explain them “Why it’s not right?”, What will be the benefits of doing the right things?”. Please don’t forget to praise them for doing the right thing, it will be just like, if you work very hard at your job and not being praised or rewarded for it.

Etiquette training starts at an early age, kids learn by observing things and behavior of people around them. Parents discipline and parents manners will set the right examples, you are the one who is their first influence, first learning example. If you talk with mouth full of food, they will notice that and assume its right to do so. Family manners and etiquette’s are all those little things that we do everyday, around kids at home or outside. If the parents do not force the family manners and follow them themselves it will make a big difference later in the kids life. Rules should be equal for everyone in the house, than only kids will respect you and each other.

The way they behave is the way they are treated. Remember the magic word “REWARD”, its the key to teaching manners to young kids. Reward doesn’t have to be financial or a gift. Reward can be your love to them, may be just a hug and a kiss, praising them for what they did, may be taking them along for a bike ride or shopping, may be allowing them to go and play with their friends. In the end for every good deed they need to be rewarded to understand the importance of doing the right things.

Parent’s role in teaching child manners

As I said before, kids learn by watching adults around them. Parents manners and family etiquettes, therefore play a huge role in teaching child manners and etiquette’s.

Respect:

Your parenting style has a lot to do with respect. Treating children with respect teaches kids to respect others and you. Talk kindly to your children and they will learn how to talk kindly to others and you. It is also helpful to talk to children regarding how to respond in specific situations to better prepare them for when these situations arise.

Sharing:

Share with your kids so they can understand the importance of sharing with others. Compliment them when you see them sharing with others.

Politeness:

Everyone in the family must practice “please” and “thank-you” policy in which, for example, no request is considered unless the person asking says “please.” When one of your children forgets, just say “Where are the magic words?”. They soon catch on. You can teach them to say “thank you” in the same manner.

Apologizing:

In the begining children are always shy to apologise, but before the age they become stubborn to apologise parents should encourage children to apologize, when they do something wrong. Apologies should be sincere. If they are not comfortable apologizing face to face, they should write an apology note. Good judgment should be used by the parent as to when an apology is appropriate.

Compliment:

Emphasize the right thing to do and compliment your children when they exhibit good manners, rather than criticizing them for using poor manners. Praise is a wonderful teacher. Tell your children how proud you are when you notice them being polite.

Model the manners:

Remember your child is watching you every moment and will learn to do everything that you are doing, so watch out for your own actions.

Instruct in small doses:

Teach manners in a step by step process. For example, telephone manners or telephone etiquettes, begin instructions with “hellos” and “good-byes,” then teach asking the caller to “please wait, I will go and get my mum” and in the end , guide children to take messages. Dining etiquettes or table manners are another important learning task. Try in small step by step process as well, for instance begin with how to sit properly on the table, to how to hold cutlery and in the end teach them how to set up the dinner table and serve the guests.Try step by step process with other manners as well.

Keep kids healthy:

Children tend to show bad manners or mis manners and etiquettes when they’re tired or hungry. Kids need proper sleep and nutritious foods to survive. If you think you will be having late night at the family gathering, make sure your kids have an afternoon nap to cope with the late night stress instead of misbehaving.

Be patient:

Don’t expect perfection overnight. As with any skill being taught, there will be mistakes along the way. Learning is a trial and error process. We all learn from our mistakes. Give your kids enough time and opportunity to learn and grasp new skills. As I said before young children or teen kids they are the reflections of their parents. As a parent we all want to give them the best, but sometimes we are not fully equipped with all the information. If you feel you are stuck with some questions feel free to take “parenting advice”. There are many “Child Care Services” that help young parents with free Parenting Advice.

Have a happy parenting.

Do you nag your kids for studies, cleaning the house, doing the dishes, behaving properly, putting their toys away and the nagging list goes on? Nag or not to nag kids is a big question doing rounds for a very long time. Every few years some study come up in the support of the other. Just last week a study of 3450 students from Sydney university, published in Teachers College Record, a US journal, came up with the conclusion that nagging does work. Every child gets influenced by two factors in life, first one is parents and teachers and the second one is their friends and role models. Influence of parents and teachers has a significant impact on a kids academic life while friends and peers has a big say in their social and emotional well being.

Now the question arises how much nagging is necessary? Lets go back a generation and ask how much nagging did your parents do? Did that nagging help you in what you are today? Some of you may not agree with their nagging. Just like the studies conducted in the different countries do not agree with each other on the topic. As parents all we want for our kids is to give them the best, give them everything that we didn’t get ourselves when we were kids. Therefore we have to set up a limit to nagging and strike a balance so that the child gets the best out of it and does not stress out.

Lets start with the reality, nagging does work and I completely agree with the study of Sydney university researcher Andrew Martin. “Parents and teachers who might feel powerless during adolescence have a bigger influence on academic motivation than they think – sometimes up to three times the impact of peers”, Martin said. But I have to add, it works only if done in a right way. For example take all those advertisements that are targeted towards our kids, during kids programming on the television. These companies have spent a lot of money on the research to get that one advertisement right. That advert goes straight to their head and they want to have that product, its the result of their continuous nagging and hitting the right spot with the kids. That’s right, if we want our kids to listen to us and do as we say we have to come up with the strategy that they learn, nothing comes for free. For example, if they finish their homework they can go out and play with their friends. You may have to nag few times but than they know unless they have finished their homework they can not do what they want. Same can apply to kids cleaning their room, helping you in the house and everything else. Remember kids have a lot of energy and lots of activities to do, so through nagging you can work around in a way that they get what they want within limits and you get what’s best for them. Magic rule “Do not make FALSE promises, STICK to whatever you have PROMISED”. These are innocent kids and if you play with their innocence they will never forget it and you will be in their bad books and soon they will stop listening to you.

Sometimes make the exceptions when they are really nice to you and they are rushing around to get everything done because something really important to them is happening or about to happen. They will really appreciate that and forget all the nagging you do. Take some time out to sit down with them and try to explain them why do you have to nag, try to explain to them what are the importance of things that they do. This way your nagging will work without stressing the child out. My personal experience tells me that nagging is very important in the early childhood, after that kids learn if they do this than they will get to do that. If they can create an interest in the studies in the early childhood that means less nagging from you when they are growing up.

Here’s a really cool game for all the parents. Get a calender. There are 365 days a year. Say every day has a value of 25 cents. Tell your kids you will mark the calender if they have been good or bad. The number of days they have been good will be equivalent to the amount of 25 cents that they have earned for their Christmas presents or their Birthday presents. Do not forget to total up at the end of each month, so the kids know how much they have earned. It will be a great motivation for them because the can see what they are earning for being good. Have fun.

I will soon post an article about the influence of friends on your child.

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